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Home Article Library December 2010 The "IF" factor: a curved ball that stops joy in its tracks.

Inelia Benz

The "IF" factor is that situation which is necessary to make us happy. So, for example, "if I meet the ONE, I'll be complete." The problem is that until we release that "IF", we will never be complete.  Then we think, "so I have to give up on my dreams to be happy? I don't want to do that. What's the point of life without dreams?" Or a similar thought.  And this is how the "if" factor gets us.  You see, it's not the end results that we need to release, it's the dependency of it, it is the "IF" we want to release in order to be complete.


Our resistance is that we refuse to be happy, or complete, UNLESS we get that particular dream. Like we are punishing someone, or something, holding back, until we get our own way.  We may as well write, "I refuse to be complete until I meet the ONE."  At least this last way of putting it is more honest.  What if we change it to, "I am complete, and ready to meet the ONE."  That resistance to release the dream, the dream that it is the external "IF" which will make us happy, that refusal to release the condition of our becoming complete and happy, that is the energy we must address.

Most of us will have a long list of "if"s to complete before we are complete. For example:

I'll be happy if I win the lotto.

I'll be complete when my body is ___________. (thin, male, female, tall, perfect...)

If I have a baby.

If I get divorced.

If the rain stops.

If I was more psychic.

If I meet my soulmate.

The list can go on and on.

Obviously, there are things in our environment, or lacking from our environment, that can make us unhappy.   Lack of food, water, shelter, human warmth, can all be said to be basic human necessities.  But, the level of comfort we get from them is physical.  Some are necessary for our survival and that there is no getting away from that. But others are not necessary.  Really. Honestly. Not necessary.  They don't need to be present for us to be happy or complete.  However, we have stumbled upon a cultural, social, or otherwise learned program that tells us they are absolutely necessary for our happiness.   And the refusal to release that program, that dream, what keeps us from achieving completeness.

You see, it's the need of the dream which holds us back, not the dream itself.

The trick is not to look for completeness outside of ourselves.  For example, with the soulmate issue, it is best to be happy and complete, and want to share that happiness and completeness with someone who wants to share their completeness and happiness with us, than demand someone else makes us happy, or offer to make them happy.  Even if it simply by their presence. Those two last ones NEVER work for very long.

Another curved ball is in the manifestation culture exercises. We think, well, if I release the dream, then I won't manifest it.  Or, when I do manifest it, it won't make me as happy as it could have.

That is the perfect example we can use to illustrate how this works.  Let's take an "IF". Think of the biggest wish, dream of "IF" in your life today. Now release it. See that resistance? Find it in your body and look at it.  Just look at it. It is, in fact, the resistance to release the "IF" which is holding you back from achieving the dream.

Deep down, we do know that no external influence will make us happy or complete, not for very long anyway. So, when we have happiness attached to a result, we will never get that result.

A better exercise is to, for a few minutes a day, close our eyes and jump into completeness and happiness. Not looking at what caused it, simply being in it. We can achieve this state by imagining we achieved our "IF", then as we feel the happiness and joy, we release the "IF" and simply merge with the happiness and joy we are feeling, becoming complete. This leaves our higher self, universe and life to manifest that joy, happiness and completeness in many ways, all ways, always, and in ways which are 100 times better than that "IF" we had dreamed up.

Can you release your dreams in order to receive something so big you had never dreamed you could get?  Now is the time :D

Note: Do you want to chat with Inelia? Go to walkwithmenow.com/about


0 #21 Tony2 2012-04-11 16:37
I really like this approach. Very simple but direct, and has the potential to reclaim so much wasted energy!

Thank you for the info on your site, it's really good.
+2 #20 Guest 2011-11-02 16:52
Thank you, Anelia. I'm grateful for having found my way to your site and these teachings. Your words feel as refreshing as clear water, after trying very very hard for a long long time to find a way or a direction. Aware of the need to let go of struggle, but have been unsure of how to do that. What a great relief. Thank you again. :roll:
0 #19 Guest 2011-09-28 14:51
Mucha constancia y visualizacion sincera sin dejar que los miedos y la falta de fe en si mismo, impida aun soñar dicha felicidad y plenitud. Converserme que soy merecedora de tanta felicidad dara los frutos. Eso es lo que mas me cuesta.
+2 #18 Guest 2011-08-21 04:53
Thank you, Inelia,
a wonderfully sane and humble teaching, as always, from you.

I guess the IF syndrome is a paradox, right? 'Cos we all have desires and it is natural to hope for their fulfilment. But at the same time they are not the key to our feeling happy and complete.

And yet, those desires do give us an impulse to go on with our difficult lives, don't they? Or can we indeed learn to live for nothing, for unpreconceived manifestations of joy that are 100 times better than our IFs?

With warmth and friendship,
+1 #17 Guest 2011-07-21 05:07
:-) :-) In-sight-full thank you for sharing.
+3 #16 Guest 2011-06-28 08:11
Wow Inelia! This writing has seriously impacted me in such a wonderful way. Thank you for your perspective on the "IF" factor. It has given me motivation to take action on some personal "stuckness" around personal responsibilitie s that I have not been dealing with for years. Thanks again.http://as cension101.com/ components/com_ jcomments/image s/smiles/redfac e.gif
+1 #15 Guest 2011-06-24 19:42
Thankyou; those IFs are so subtle. Enjoyed your reminder about them and now am free of several I hadn't been noticing!
+1 #14 Guest 2011-06-18 21:38
Quoting Inelia Ahumada Avila:
Quoting Linda:

You say: Maybe it is because it contains fear, even if one is trying to be helpful. How about this notice how I exchanged the word if: Maybe it is because it contains fear, even though one is trying to be helpful.

Perfect :)

Thanks for the compliment Inelia. :-)
0 #13 Inelia Benz 2011-06-07 00:21
Quoting Linda:

You say: Maybe it is because it contains fear, even if one is trying to be helpful. How about this notice how I exchanged the word if: Maybe it is because it contains fear, even though one is trying to be helpful.

Perfect :)
0 #12 Guest 2011-06-06 20:48

You say: Maybe it is because it contains fear, even if one is trying to be helpful. How about this notice how I exchanged the word if: Maybe it is because it contains fear, even though one is trying to be helpful.

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